Mastering Private Sessions: Mediation Coaching Insights
- Shiv Martin
- 7 days ago
- 5 min read
How mastering one-on-one conversations can make or break your mediation success (and your Mediator assessment)
Whether you're a practising mediator looking to upskill, preparing for your accreditation, or simply curious about how mediation works behind the scenes, this article offers practical insight you can apply right away.
These reflections come straight from a recent coaching session I facilitated with a highly experienced professional transitioning into mediation practice. Despite their excellent grasp of the mediation process and the mediator's role, they, like many others, found the private session stage one of the trickiest to master, especially when adapting to the facilitative model required under AMDRAS.
A private session (caucus) is the structured one-on-one conversation that mediators and conciliators hold with each party. While joint discussions tend to get the spotlight, it’s often in these quieter, more personal moments that real breakthroughs happen. As a mediation coach, assessor and peer supervisor, I’ve seen time and again how a mediator’s ability to conduct a thoughtful, well-paced private session can make all the difference. If you're looking to build confidence, sharpen your approach, or better understand how mediation actually works, this article is for you.
What Is a Private Session in Mediation?
In Australian mediation practice, particularly under the AMDRAS model, private sessions are structured, one-on-one discussions held separately with each party during the mediation process.
Unlike joint discussions where the mediator’s job is to stay in the background and facilitate party-led dialogue, the private session invites the mediator to step into a more active coaching role. This is the mediator's opportunity to:
Help parties reflect and strategise
Explore sensitive or unspoken issues
Test assumptions
Generate practical options
Build confidence in moving forward
The Shift from Facilitator to Conflict Coach
Here's how your role changes between stages:
In Joint Discussions, the Mediator:
Disappears into the background but keeps parties on track and focused on the future
Manages time, tone, and process
Supports information-sharing (but doesn’t drive it)
In Private Sessions, the Mediator:
Becomes more directive and engaged
Asks strategic, reflective questions
Helps parties reality-test ideas
Supports emotional clarity and decision-making
Clarifies what can or should be shared in joint conversation
And this shift is not just a stylistic change it’s a required competency for passing your NMAS assessment and becoming a trusted practitioner in the field, both in mediation and conciliation.
Why Private Sessions Matter (Especially in Assessments)
Many capable mediators stumble during assessments not because they don’t know the process, but because they underplay the role of the private session. They hesitate to take initiative, or they revert to the passive tone of joint discussion. Sometimes, they take matters into their own hands and provide advice on the resolution of the dispute. This might be suitable for some forms of mediation, however, the NMAS accreditation requires you to demonstrate a facilitative mediation style. Providing solutions, giving advice, or leading to particular negotiation positions can be considered going beyond the role of a facilitator.
To demonstrate mediator competency, you must:
Clearly structure the private session
Explain confidentiality at the outset
Guide parties without giving advice
Show confidence without taking control
Keep it professional, purposeful, and practical
This is where mediators must balance neutrality with strategy, supporting resolution without pushing outcomes.
✍️ Quick Prompt Sheet for Private Sessions
Here’s a short-hand version of the private session prompt sheet I give to my mediation coaching clients:
1. Transition In
☐ Explain the purpose of private sessions
☐ Confirm confidentiality and get permission
☐ Invite open reflection
2. Explore the Party’s Perspective
☐ “What’s been on your mind that hasn’t come up yet?”
☐ “What matters most to you here?”
☐ “What’s making this difficult for you?”
3. Put Things in Perspective
Help the party zoom out and see the bigger picture.
☐ “How does this situation fit into your broader life or work goals?”
☐ “Who else is being affected by this, at home, at work, in your team?”
☐ “When you look back on this in a year, what would you hope to see?”
4. Create Doubt
Gently challenge fixed thinking and invite reflection.
☐ “What if that assumption isn’t quite right?”
☐ “Could there be another explanation for their behaviour?”
☐ “What might happen if you tried something different?”
5. Reality Test and Reflect
Help the party sense-check proposals and expectations.
☐ “How might the other person react to that suggestion?”
☐ “What do you think they might need in order to consider this?”
6. Generate Options and Alternatives
Encourage practical and creative thinking.
☐ “What are some different ways this could be resolved?”
☐ “If that’s not acceptable, what else might be?”
☐ “What could be a workable compromise?”
7. Prepare for the Return to Joint Session
Clarify next steps and confirm comfort.
Build Your Skills with Mediation Coaching in Brisbane or Online
Whether you’re:
Preparing for your AMDRAS accreditation assessment
Rebuilding confidence after a difficult mediation, or
Looking to start or grow your mediation practice,
I offer practical, down-to-earth mediation coaching and peer supervision in Brisbane and online.
🗓️ Book a one-on-one session with me to:
Practise your mediation skills in real time
Get assessment-ready with feedback and roleplays
Debrief tough cases with a peer supervisor
Develop confidence in private sessions and other tricky stages
Learn how to grow your mediation business ethically and sustainably
Let's book a quick call to discuss how I can help. You can find a time on my calendar here.
❓Frequently Asked Questions
1. Why are private sessions important in mediation?
Private sessions allow each party to speak freely, explore their goals and concerns, and prepare for joint negotiation. They are often where breakthroughs happen.
2. Do I need to run private sessions in my mediation assessment?
Yes. The AMDRAS accreditation model requires mediators to demonstrate structured and ethical private sessions as part of the simulated mediation.
3. What if I’m unsure how much to say in a private session?
Use structure to guide you. Stick to questions, reflect their answers, reality-test, and check permission before carrying anything into joint discussion.
4. Can you help me practise for my assessment?
Absolutely. I offer tailored coaching for aspiring and accredited mediators, including roleplays, assessment preparation, and real-time feedback.
5. Where are your coaching services offered?
I’m based in Brisbane, Queensland, and I work with clients across Australia via Zoom. In-person sessions are also available in Brisbane by arrangement.
Shiv Martin is a nationally accredited mediator, practicing solicitor, conciliator, decision-maker, and certified vocational trainer. With extensive experience in complex dispute resolution, stakeholder engagement, and team building across business, community, and governmental sectors, Shiv brings over a decade of unique and diverse expertise in Law, Management, Vocational Education, and Mediation.
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