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Gradually and then suddenly - the anatomy of conflict.

Writer's picture: Shiv  MartinShiv Martin

Updated: Jan 29

# Table of Contents


1. Introduction:

- Exploring Hemingway's Insight on Gradual vs. Sudden Conflict


2. Understanding the Gradual Decline of Workplace Relationships

- The Build-Up: Miscommunications and Tensions

- The Boiling Frog Metaphor: Ignoring Early Signs


3. Jumping Out of the Boiling Pot: Strategies for Early Intervention

- The Importance of Proactive Conflict Management


4. Recognizing the Signs of Gradual Decline

- Key Indicators to Watch For


5. Three Tips for Preventing Sudden Collapse of Workplace Relationships

- 1. Acknowledge the Issue Early

- 2. Listen to Understand, Not Just to Respond

- 3. Define a Conflict Management Process


6. Equipping Teams for Early Intervention

- Training Strategies for Conflict Resolution


7. Conclusion: Preventing the Sudden Eruption of Workplace Conflict

- The Value of Early Action in Maintaining Healthy Relationships


8. Call to Action: Share Your Thoughts on Workplace Conflict


Managing Workplace Conflict: Gradual or Sudden?


“How did you go bankrupt?” “Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.”

― Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises


While this quote originally describes financial ruin in Hemingway’s novel, it resonates with many types of conflict, particularly in the workplace. So, what can we do to prevent such a gradual yet sudden breakdown in relationships at work?


The Gradual Decline


Workplace relationships don’t typically fall apart overnight. The decline begins subtly—small miscommunications, unresolved tensions, and unmet expectations. Over time, these issues build up until one day, a triggering event—a meeting, a project, or a complaint—causes the relationship to break down dramatically.


A metaphor I often use is that of the “boiling frog.” If you place a frog in boiling water, it will jump out immediately. However, if the water is heated slowly, the frog doesn’t notice the danger until it’s too late. Similarly, in workplace dynamics, if we’re not aware of the small signs of trouble, we risk being caught off guard when things suddenly boil over.


How to jump out of the boiling pot, before you get cooked!
How to jump out of the boiling pot, before you get cooked!


Addressing the Issue Early


The problem is that we often don’t prioritise addressing the gradual breakdown of relationships until it's too late. By the time things come to a head, it can be difficult, if not impossible, to repair the relationship or avoid significant harm to the team or business.


Recognising the Signs of Gradual Decline


As HR professionals and managers, it’s critical to understand the dynamics of gradual conflict. By addressing issues early—before they escalate—organisations can foster stronger, healthier relationships and avoid the stress and costs associated with major disputes.


Three Tips for Preventing the Sudden Collapse


In my work as a mediator and conflict resolution trainer, I focus on helping organisations identify the subtle signs of conflict and intervene before things get out of hand. Here are my top three tips for addressing conflict before it reaches the “sudden” stage:


1. Acknowledge the Issue Early


Ignoring subtle signs of tension—like passive-aggressive behaviour or reduced collaboration—can allow conflict to fester. Instead, create a space for open and honest dialogue. A phrase like: “I’ve noticed some tension lately and wanted to check in to see how you’re feeling about things. Can we talk about it?” can help bring the issue to the surface without assigning blame or escalating the situation. It's important to normalise conflict in your team so that difficult conversations can be had earlier in the conflict escalation process. Many managers I work with use their fortnightly one on one meetings to have these discussions proactively.


2. Listen to Understand, Not Just to Respond


Active listening is essential in conflict resolution. When individuals feel genuinely heard, they are more likely to collaborate on finding a solution. Focus on understanding the perspectives and underlying interests of everyone involved, rather than rushing to solve the problem right away. In some cases, just listening to an individuals experience and concerns is enough for them feel equipped to move forward.


3. Define a process and map your conflict management plan


Often, conflict arises from misaligned expectations or assumptions. Take the time to clarify roles, responsibilities, and goals. After the conversation, agree on clear actions and follow-up steps to ensure accountability and progress. It's important at this stage to make a record of the issue, the relevant policies and procedures and consider the most appropriate conflict resolution process to address the issue. If you make any commitments to follow up, make sure to keep them!


Equipping Teams for Early Intervention


In the training I deliver, I emphasise the importance of recognising the early signs of conflict and equipping teams with the tools to intervene proactively. Hemingway's insight serves as a reminder that we often see the warning signs but may not act until it’s too late. As a mediator and trainer, my goal is to help organisations avoid the “sudden” collapse of relationships by addressing the “gradual” decline.


Conclusion


So, what do you think? Does workplace conflict typically build up gradually, only to erupt suddenly? By acting early, we can prevent conflicts from escalating and help teams maintain healthier, more productive relationships.


If you're looking for more insights on conflict management, you can explore my other blog posts or reach out to discuss how I can support your organisation in resolving conflict effectively.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR


Shiv Martin is a nationally accredited mediator, practicing solicitor, conciliator, decision-maker, and certified vocational trainer. With extensive experience in complex dispute resolution, stakeholder engagement, and team building across business, community, and governmental sectors, Shiv brings over a decade of unique and diverse expertise in Law, Management, Vocational Education, and Mediation.




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