It’s Okay to Be in Conflict: Why Strong Leaders Embrace Difficult Conversations
- Shiv Martin
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
As we kick off 2026 - is resolving conflict in your list of resolutions?
Conflict is not a sign that something is broken; it is a sign that something matters.
In my work as a mediator, leadership trainer, and facilitator of business and corporate mediations, I meet outstanding leaders and teams who care deeply about their work, people, and purpose. Yet, time and again, I see the same response when conflict arises: shame, fear, and embarrassment.
People often say,
“I am sorry it had to get to this,”
or
“This is so uncomfortable.”
Some even apologise for needing assistance at all. This raises an important question: why do we view
conflict as something to be ashamed of?
The reality is that conflict is inevitable in any high-performing workplace or corporate environment. Whether you lead a large organisation, manage a project team, or sit on an executive board, tension is a natural part of working life. What matters most is not whether conflict exists, but how it is managed.
Why Conflict Is Not a Failure
Conflict does not mean you have failed as a leader or that your team is dysfunctional. It indicates that people are committed to their goals and care about the outcomes. When handled well, conflict can strengthen trust, improve communication, and foster innovation.
In corporate and business mediation, I often meet experienced professionals who are surprised when conflict occurs. Many assume that good leadership or clear policies should prevent tension. However, effective communication is not about eliminating disagreement; it is about maintaining connection through it.
Even mediators and conciliators, professionals who help others to resolve disputes, occasionally need support themselves. I have sought coaching and reflective supervision when faced with my own professional challenges. Nobody is immune to conflict, and seeking guidance is a mark of professionalism, not weakness.
Why Conflict Feels Shameful
Our discomfort with conflict often develops early in life. Many of us were raised to “get along,” avoid confrontation, and keep the peace. In workplaces and schools, harmony is often rewarded while disagreement is discouraged. Over time, this teaches us that conflict equates to failure or rejection.
In professional settings, especially at senior levels, conflict can feel like a threat to credibility or competence. Leaders sometimes fear that tension might reflect poor management or a lack of control.
In truth, the ability to address conflict effectively is a hallmark of mature leadership. It takes integrity, accountability, and emotional intelligence to stay present in the face of disagreement. The discomfort or shame we feel during conflict is not evidence that something is wrong. It is a signal that we value connection and belonging.
When we can recognise that and respond thoughtfully, we shift from defensiveness to understanding and progress.
You Are Not a Good Leader Unless You Have Faced Conflict
There is a saying: “You are not a good leader unless someone dislikes you.” While it reflects the reality that leadership involves making difficult decisions, it misses the deeper truth.
You are not a good leader because people dislike you. You are a good leader because you have had the courage to face conflict.
Effective leaders do not avoid difficult conversations; they facilitate them. They create psychologically safe spaces where disagreement can occur respectfully and productively.
In my leadership conflict and communication training, I remind participants that leadership is not about being universally liked; it is about being trusted. Trust is built through fairness, consistency, and the ability to manage tension with integrity.
Addressing conflict early and constructively not only strengthens relationships but also reinforces credibility and confidence.
The Value of Facilitated Discussions
When tension or miscommunication begins to affect relationships in the workplace, a facilitated discussion can provide a constructive path forward.
Unlike formal mediation, which is designed for entrenched disputes, facilitated discussions focus on communication, collaboration, and mutual understanding. They are particularly effective when:
Tension is emerging but has not become a formal dispute.
Key stakeholders or departments are misaligned.
Teams need to rebuild trust or reset expectations.
Engaging a neutral facilitator demonstrates professionalism and a genuine commitment to maintaining healthy working relationships.
Starting 2026 Afresh
As a new year begins, many of us set goals for improvement. We might engage a personal trainer to enhance fitness, purchase a new diary to improve time management, reduce alcohol consumption, or arrange tutoring for our children. In each of these cases, we rely on tools, resources, and expert support to help us achieve success. Managing conflict should be no different.
If 2025 has been a year marked by tension or uncertainty, make 2026 the year to reset. With the right structure, skills, and support, conflict can become a catalyst for clarity, collaboration, and stronger leadership.
Think of business mediation and facilitation as professional development for relationships. These processes provide structured support to build resilient teams, strengthen communication, and promote cultural alignment.
A Thought to Leave You With
Conflict does not mean something has gone wrong; it means something important requires attention.
When we stop viewing conflict as a personal failure and start recognising it as part of organisational growth, we build workplaces defined by trust, respect, and accountability.
Next time tension arises, instead of asking,
“Why is this happening?”
ask,
“What is this conflict trying to teach us?”
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If this article resonates with you, consider booking a facilitated discussion or corporate
mediation for your organisation. These sessions build understanding and alignment before
issues escalate into formal disputes.
You can also join my free 2026 webinar series on workplace mediation, leadership
communication, and conflict mastery. Each session will explore practical tools to manage
conflict with confidence and care.
Book a confidential conversation or subscribe to my blog for updates.
Shiv Martin is a nationally accredited mediator, practicing solicitor, conciliator, decision-maker, and certified vocational trainer. With extensive experience in complex dispute resolution, stakeholder engagement, and team building across business, community, and governmental sectors, Shiv brings over a decade of unique and diverse expertise in Law, Management, Vocational Education, and Mediation.
How Shiv Martin Consulting Supports Teams
We provide:
Conflict resolution skills training in Brisbane, Australia and New Zealand wide and online to a range of global clients
Workplace mediation for early or unresolved conflict or tension
Leadership coaching to build communication and resolution skills
Team building and facilitation for groups that want to reconnect and move forward, without necessarily labelling the situation as conflict.
Whether your team is facing signs of friction or entrenched issues, we help you take a practical, people-smart approach to strengthening your culture.
Wonderful takeaways in this piece, Shiv. Thank you. I particularly like:
Conflict is not a sign that something is broken; it is a sign that something matters.
The discomfort or shame we feel during conflict is not evidence that something is wrong. It is a signal that we value connection and belonging.